In almost every referral mastermind group where I teach people how to get referrals, I hear a question “oh my, I haven’t stayed in touch with… what do I do now?” Or they’ll say “I’m so embarrassed to reach out to… after failing to keep in touch, I surely can’t do anything with them.”
This concern or question is understandable especially when you know now that the key to building a strong flow of new referrals is found by maintaining the continuity of your relationships.
Being consistently in-touch and being a “giver” brings the referral results you’re wanting. Yet it’s also natural to feel that restarting with a connection that’s been unplugged could be perceived as simply trying to get something.
So let’s go back to a couple of referral-winning fundamentals… If you genuinely focus on the relationship building steps that are normal and even natural, you have a good chance of restarting a relationship. Just don’t approach people trying to get something.
Instead, seek first to learn what is going on in that person’s life. Learn what’s happening that they care about and learn how that could become a connecting link for your renewed dialogue.
Also, I learned a long time ago that a simple apology for forgetting about keeping in touch is an amazing cure for the lost time and will rebuild the bridge you’re seeking.
So few people actually take responsibility for the consequences of their not staying in touch. So when you do, you attain that key influence building characteristic with your reconnection that’s called “scarcity.”
Imagine being on the receiving end of a sincere apology… What would you feel? My belief is that you’d feel good that someone thought of you highly enough to consider making an apology for not staying in touch.
More, you’d probably want to respond with a kind word of acceptance and likely even offer an open hand for making a fresh start.
Human nature is such that there’s plenty of forgiveness available with most people when it is genuinely sought.
So when that person comes to mind where you’d like to rekindle the relationship, simply send them a quick email or even a personal note saying something like “I’m sorry we haven’t stayed in touch and I need to do a better job.”
Or you can say “you’re important to me… and I haven’t done a good job keeping in touch… I’m sorry!”
It’s perfectly OK to make a phone call and its likely these days you’ll have to leave a voice message. That is a very powerful way to bring your spoken sincerity into the connection.
I also recommend even sending a text message if you have their cell number and express your apology and include a kind word for why you appreciate them.
Now, after the reconnection apology is delivered (and accepted in all likelihood), put a marker in your calendar to followup and reach out again in the normal ways you could be doing. Reach out to them every couple of weeks.
Make the follow-on connections personal… meaning all about them and their interests.
Become the builder of the relationship first, and as the first few weeks pass, you’ll be able to learn how you can support them better. Possibly you’ll soon be making an introduction or giving a referral to them. Watch what that can trigger!
Bring the mindset of giving, collaboration and trust-building into this re-kindled connection. All the possibilities for where you can go from there will all expand. More, you’ll set your self apart from the majority by being abundant in giving and open to apologize when its appropriate. Then your success will multiply!
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